Let Others Feel Your Love

Who are the most loving persons you have known, lived with? Think of two or three such persons. They will not have become deeply loving by reading about love or hearing talks about it. How do we learn it, then?

One: By living with and under the guidance of deeply loving persons. This is what Fr Paul Albera SDB, the second successor of Don Bosco, said about his life as a boy under Don Bosco’s care. Don Bosco was poor; he could provide only simple accommodation and very simple food. Having read about this, an interviewer asked Fr Albera: “How did you all survive in Don Bosco’s oratory? Most days, you had only polenta (something like our ragi porridge) to eat. You all had only simple clothes. The weather in winter was severely cold.” Fr Albera’s face lit up as he recalled his days as a boy under Don Bosco’s care. He said, “We were caught up in a current of love. We felt loved in a way we had never been loved before.”

Most of the readers of Magnet are members of religious orders. Many are superiors. You just read about the atmosphere Don Bosco created. Have you felt this way about the religious houses you have lived in? If you are a superior or formator, is this the atmosphere you try to create?

I recall a woman religious who was provincial and later became general of her order tell me about her formation: “The best formation I received was from my mother. She taught me how to love.”

What is love? Easy to define, hard to practice! To love means to truly desire and work for the good of the persons in your care. Those we work with and work for will make out sooner or later whether we truly love them. If you are a formator, for instance, the main qualification for being an effective formator is not the degree from a foreign university or high grades in your exams, but to be a genuinely loving human being. Isn’t this what you wanted from your parents and superiors?

Don Bosco was led by God through dreams. He called them dreams, not visions. In a dream he had about three years before his death, he was taught a key principle of Salesian education. We, Salesians, study this dream. In this dream, a mysterious guide took Don Bosco around his institute in Turin. The boys did not look happy. This troubled Don Bosco very much, and so he asked the guide why the boys did not look happy. “Aren’t the Salesians working hard for the boys?” he asked. “Yes, they are,” the guide replied. “Don’t they love the boys?” was Don Bosco’s next question. “Yes, they do,” the guide said. “Then, why don’t the boys look happy?” the anguished saint asked his guide. Then came this reply, which we Salesians are taught as essential to our educational system. “It is not enough you work hard; it is not enough you love the boys. The boys need to feel loved.”

That is, love must be shown in ways that the recipient can understand.

Think of family members, teachers and superiors by whom you felt genuinely loved. They are your best teachers on love. As I said at the start, reading this article can, perhaps, give you some ideas on love; it cannot make you a loving person.

Do you want to be a genuinely loving man or woman? Then check two things: Are you trying to be like the most loving person you have lived with? Secondly, in the decisions you have made (e.g., in the past twenty-four hours), were you led mostly by love or by selfishness?

Honest answers to these two questions will teach you much about love -- and about yourself. All the best!

Blurb

If you are a formator, the main qualification for being an effective formator is not the degree from a foreign university or high grades in your exams, but to be a genuinely loving human being.