All living beings grow or mature. Think of trees, plants, or cats and dogs. So do we.

Animals have sharper senses than humans. A dog can smell better, an eagle can see farther than we can. A bull or an elephant is bigger and stronger than we are.

Human superiority is at another level—that of the mind. We can think, express our thoughts in speech, writing or art. Our thinking affects our emotions. We can be more caring or cruel than animals. No animal commits mass murder as humans do.

Growing up is not simply about becoming bigger or being cleverer. One of its key elements is emotional growth. An adult can score high marks in exams while still being emotionally immature. I can study mathematics well, but be unable to control my temper. I can master a language well, but be led by jealousy or anger.

A study done by Jnana Deepa Vidyapeeth of Pune some years ago showed that many seminarians and young religious are emotionally less mature than their age group outside. This sounds strange and disappointing. We claim to select our candidates and provide them with extensive support, yet they turn out to be less mature than laypersons of their age. Shouldn’t we do something about this?

To begin with, let us see what maturity means. Maturity can refer to physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of growth. Let us have a look at one important aspect.

Who is an emotionally mature person?

You will find many answers in psychology books or on the Net.

Here are the six key aspects of emotional maturity.

1. Take responsibility for your actions: A mature person does not blame others for his or her failures or expect others to take charge of one’s life. If I promise to write this article, I am responsible for finding the time to do it. So, too, keeping physically fit, eating properly, learning to relate, praying well—I am responsible for how I do these things. Others are not in charge—unless I am a child.
2. Seek help when needed: Taking responsibility does not mean that we are all-powerful and need no help. Meeting a doctor when we are sick is the right thing to do. Or seeking counselling or therapy if we are emotionally upset. A mature person does not pretend that s/he needs no help or that one is perfect.
3. Put yourself in others’ shoes: A sign of maturity is to understand others’ needs and problems and help in ways we can. Thus, a good teacher takes pains to coach weak students. A financially secure person will be compassionate and caring towards the poor.
4. Express gratitude: Are you grateful? Know that your so-called achievements would not have been possible without the help of so many others. If you are physically and mentally healthy, you owe it to the loving care of your parents and others who raised you. We owe much to many—our teachers, friends, cooks, medical professionals, honest government servants, drivers, and so on… Are you grateful, or do you just take their services for granted?
5. Be open to new learning: None of us knows everything. In general, brilliant persons are far more aware of the limitations of their knowledge than mediocre minds are. All that we know is a small dot compared to what we do not know. For example, India has 1622 languages and dialects. How many do you know? Billions of books have been published. How many have you read? There are over one million words in English. How many do you know?
6. Think before you react: Suppose someone criticizes you. He or she points out something negative about you. Or does not agree with something you have said. Starting to shout or argue is a sign of immaturity. You can learn from a different perspective. Try to see why the other person thinks differently. Someone else could have written this article differently. There is no single way to write about maturity. There is no best way of dressing, teaching, praying, being a parent, or being a superior.

If you want a simpler way of checking your emotional maturity, see whether you are often moved by anger or jealousy or tendency to gossip or go into depression. If so, get help. Talk it over with someone you trust. Don’t blame others. Take responsibility for your feelings.

No one is fully mature or totally immature, just as nobody is one hundred per cent healthy or totally sick. See in which areas you have grown, and in which you need to improve. This willingness to keep growing is itself a sign of maturity. All the best!

Blurbs

A mature person does not blame others for his or her failures or expect others to take charge of one’s life.

A sign of maturity is to understand others’ needs and problems and help in ways we can. Thus, a financially secure person will be compassionate and caring towards the poor.