Some years ago, a study done of over two thousand mid-level managers in the UK found out what they missed most. What they missed—and asked for—was not a higher salary or promotion. What they missed most was appreciation for what they were doing well.

It is not just managers and other employees in companies who miss appreciation. This is a common problem in most settings. People tend to notice and point out the flaws in others’ performance, but often fail to point out and appreciate their positive traits.

Manju, a young and loving wife who used to take delight in cooking tasty meals for her family, one day prepared a special dish. After the meal, she asked her husband, “How was that dish?” He was reading the newspaper, and did not even look up. She asked him again Then he grunted, “Hmm.” She told him, “I made a special dish today. I wanted to know how you liked it.” His irritated reply was this, “If there was something wrong, I would have told you, no?”

What a negative attitude to life!

To have the habit of keeping quiet when others do well, and to speak up when you don’t like something.

In accepting to do this column for MAGNET, I decided on “Becoming Human” as my feature, since there is abundant evidence that this is a weak area of religious and priestly formation, and it is life’s highest goal. I plan to cover aspects of being human in the alphabetical order, not in order of importance. Thus, my first article was on “advice-giving”—not a very useful way of helping people. People are looking for persons who listen and understand rather than those who rush to give advice.